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Dec
31, 1999
Sa isang Cocktail Bar sa San
Francisco International Airport, isang Pinoy ang nagpasyang
magpalamig muna habang naghihintay ng sundo mula sa kanyang
kamag-anak na kanyang binibisita. Ang Pinoy ay first time pa lang sa
States and still green on ‘American Way of Life’.
While the Bartender is taking on
orders from the other end of the bar, the Pinoy had a chance to
observe how things are at least until the bartender gets to him for
his cocktail order:
Bartender: "May I take your
order please?"
Elderly couple: "I’ll have a
‘Roy Rogers’ and my wife wants ‘Shirley Temple"
Group of Businessmen:
Ist guy: "Harvey Wallbanger"
2nd guy: "Jim Beam,
double"
3rd guy: "Jack Daniels,
single"
4th guy: "Johnny Walker,
single"
Pinoy: "VICENTE LIWANAG,
MARRIED
Dec
30, 1999
Free Haircut
A barber was giving a haircut to a
florist and when he was done, the florist asked how much it was. The
barber said, "Oh, no charge; I'm doing a community
service".
The next day, when he was opening
his shop, the barber found a dozen roses in the front of the store.
That day, he was giving a haircut
to a police officer and the police officer asked how much it cost.
"Oh, no charge; I'm doing a community service", he said in
reply again.
The next day he found a dozen
donuts in the front of the store.
The barber gave a Filipino a
haircut and when he was through, the Filipino asked how much to pay
him. "Oh, no charge; I'm doing a community service", he
said once again. Guess what he found the next day in the front of
the store?
A dozen Filipinos all waitingfor a
free haircut!
Dec 29, 1999
Y2K
Extracted from a note from the
Zamboanga Government Office of Telecommunications and Information
Technology:
To: Y2K Project Manager to the
GOT IT Directory
From: Zamboanga Y2K Branch Team
Subject: Y2K Compliant Requirments
I hope I haven't misunderstood your
instructions. Because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem
makes any sense to me. At any rate I have finished converting all
the "y's" to "K's" for all the months on all the
govermenment calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the
following new months:
- Januark
- Februark
- Mak
- Julk
I'm sure you'll be pleased that the
project has been completed well in advance of the target completion
date. Yes, in Zamboanga we are now 100% Y2K compliant.
Regards,
Joesph Manansala
Zamboanga Y2K Branch Team
Dec
28, 1999
Some Japanese
terms...
I'll take this - KUKUNINKOTO
This is my desk - ITODESKO
Speechless - WASABE
Overtime - WAMEME
I have a lot of things to do -
HIRONAKO
Q: Is this your car?
A: OTOMOTO?
Q: Is this my car?
A: OTOKOTO?
Q: Is this your noodles?
A: MIKIMOTO?
Q: Your sister has no more toes .
A: AJI no mo to.
Dec 27, 1999
Another Use in a Sentence
contributed by Lennie
Ledesma
Use SCHOOLING in a sentence.
(phone rings)... Hello? Who SCHOOLING?
Use AFFECT in a sentence.
Maria is wearing AFFECT diamond ring.
Use ADIEU in a sentence.
If you are ADIEU, the Arabs will kill you.
Use DECANTER in a sentence.
You can order that medicine over DECANTER.
Use DELETION in a sentence.
The balat of DELETION is crispy.
Use DESPISE in a sentence.
Who baked all DESPISE?
Use DIFFERENT and DIFFERENTIAL in a
sentence.
I am looking for DIFFERENT of this boy to get DIFFERENTIAL consent
so he can go to the picnic.
Use CALCULATOR in a sentence.
I'll see you tomorrow but I'll CALCULATOR.
Use DINUGUAN in a sentence.
I turned on the TV, but no matter how many times I tried, it
DINUGUAN.
Use DIFFERENCE and DIFFERENCES in a
sentence.
In a royal family, the son of a king and queen is called DIFFERENCE
and the >daughter DIFFERENCES
Use CHICKEN BREAD in a sentence.
She's drowning and CHICKEN BREAD!
Use HOSTESS in a sentence.
When you answer the telephone, you say HOSTESS?
Use INDAY in a sentence.
Sing the Whitney Houston song: INDAY Will Always Love You.
Dec 26, 1999
Pinoy Translations
1. Persuading - Unang
Kasal
2. Devastation -
Istasyon ng bus
3. Protestant -
Tindahan ng prutas
4. Masturbation -
Malawakang gutom
5. Statue - Ikaw ba
yan?
6. Predicate -
Pakawalan mo ang pusa
7. Aspect - Pantoso o
pandurog ng yelo
8. Effort - Pariparan
(o paradahan ng eroplano)
9. Deduct - Ang bibe
10. Defeat - Ang paa (ng
bibe?)
11. Detail - Ang
buntot (ng bibe?)
12. Deposit - Gripo
(Call DIPLOMA if DIPOSIT is leaking)
13. City - Bago
mag-utso (8)
14. Melt - Ngawit ng
mewang
15. Cattle - Doon
nakatila ang Hali at Leyna
16. Depress - Ang
nagkasal sa PERSUADING
17. Defense - Ginamit
ng mga pangsulat sa kontrata sa PERSUADING
18. It depends -
Kainin mo ang bakod
19. Shampoo - Bago
mag-labing-isa (11)
20. Delusion -
Maluwang (kapag maluwang ang damit, eh DELUSION)
21. Delivery - Walang
bayad. Kapag working lunch, eh DELIVERY na ang tanghalian.
22. Profit - Messenger
of God
23. Balance Sheet -
What comes out after eating a balance diet
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