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March
11, 2000
KRIS A.'s Prayer
Armani,
Which art in
Hermes, Hallowed be thy Gucci. Thy Cartier watch, Thy Prada bag, On
Rodeo, As it is in Tiffany’s. Give us this day, our Visa Titanium
And forgive us this overdraft, As we forgive those who decline ur
Mastercard. Lead us not into JC Penney, And deliver us from Sears.
For thine is the Chanel, the Gaultier, and the Versace, For Dolce
and Gabbana...
Amex.
Submitted by AG
Cruz
March
10, 2000
ERAP's New Lingo
1. aspect -
pantusok ng yelo
2. backlog - bacon saka egg
3. beehive - magpakatino ka
4. cdrom - tingnan mo ang kwarto
5. city - bago mag-utso
6. cattle - doon nakatila ang hali at leyna
7. debug - ang ipis
8. dedicated - pinatay ang pusa
9. deduct - ang pato
10. defeat - ang paa
11. defense - ang bakod
12. defer - ang balahibo
13. deflate - ang plato
14. defrag - ang palaka
15. delusion - e di maluwag
16. depends - (see defense)
17. deposit - ang gripo
18. depress - nagkasal sa persuading (see persuading)
19. detail - ang buntot
20. detest - ang eksamin
21. devalue - ‘yon ang susunod sa letrang ‘V’
22. devastation - ‘dun sasakay ng bus
23. devote - ang boto
24. dilemma - brownout, a!
25. effort - ‘dun nagla-land ang efflane
26. forums - apat na kwarto
27. it depends - kainin mo ang bakod
28. july - nagsinungaling ka ba?
29. statue - ikaw ba ‘yan?
30. protestant - tindahan ng prutas.
31. predicate - pakawalan mo ang pusa
32. profit - patunayan mo
33. persuading - unang kasal
34. tenacious - sinusuot sa paa
35. thesis - ito ay
36. torpedo - takot manligaw
37. zoology - ang sayans ng pagtatahi
Submitted by
Carlo A.
March
9, 2000
General
Tinio St.
There is a popular
college whose address is in Heneral Tinio in the corner of South
Super Highway about a stone’s throw away from Don Bosco and ten
minutes from the now Ayala Complex. ( Does anybody know what college
I was talking about ?) Anyway this baranggay in Makati has most of
the streets named after famous generals in History like Hen.
Aguinaldo , Hen. Del Pilar, Heneral Tinio, Heneral Malvar, Heneral
Evangelista...
A beautiful and
finesse instructress rode a jeepney in Edsa(Pasay)which has the
route Evangelista/Buendia to get to work in the college... With her,
on the jeepney were a few passengers, old ladies,men and many
college students who were rushing late to attend their classes...
After a while the
first passenger called the driver’s attention:
Passenger 1 : Mama
kanto ng Aguinaldo ho ako !!!!
So the driver
pulled over on the corner of Heneral Aguinaldo street to let the
passenger off then resumed driving ... After a while another
passenger tapped the ceiling of the jeepney
Passenger 2 : Mama
kanto Del Pilar ho ako !
The driver once
again pulled over on the side of del Pilar street to let the second
passenger off... then resumed his driving ..After a while another
passenger called his attention again
Passenger 3: Sa
Kanto ng Malvar lang pare !!!
So like the rest
,he pulled the jeepney on the corner side of Heneral Malvar street
to let the passenger off ...After a while, the instructress was
prepared to get off and waited for any of the students to call the
driver’s attention and make him stop ... However none of the
students made any attempt since they were also waiting for her to
call the driver’s attention ...They were almost going to pass the
corner of Heneral Tinio so she decided to shout loud ...
Instructress :
Mama, mama !!!
Driver : Ano yon !
Instructress :
Kanto Tinio ho ako !!! Kanto Tinio ho ako !!
(trying very hard
to maintain her poise !)......
After a pause the
driver responded ....
Driver : Miss,
hindi pwede ! ... Maraming nakakakita at may asawa na ho ako !
Then stopped the
jeepney ..the pasengers looked at one another while she got off ...
She was still walking toward the college but can’t figure out why
the driver responded in that weird way ! She then glanced back and
saw all the students walking behind her snickering and laughing
their heads off!!
That was the time she realized the
horror of what she just said and to think she said it with such
urgency !!!!
March
8, 2000
Here are some
love acronyms that u might find amusing.
H.O.L.L.A.N.D. -
Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.
I.T.A.L.Y. - I Trust And Love You.
L.I.B.Y.A. - Love Is Beautiful; You Also.
F.R.A.N.C.E. - Friendships Remain And Never Can End.
C.H.I.N.A. - Come Here.. I Need Affection.
B.U.R.M.A. - Between Us, Remember Me Always.
N.E.P.A.L. - Never Ever Part As Lovers.
I.N.D.I.A. - I Nearly Died In Adoration.
K.E.N.Y.A. - Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing.
C.A.N.A.D.A. - Cute And Naughty Action that Developed into
Attraction
K.O.R.E.A. - Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every Adversity.
E.G.Y.P.T. - Everything’s Great, You Pretty Thing!
R.U.S.S.I.A. - Romance Under the Sky & Stars is Intimate Always.
M.A.N.I.L.A. - May All Nights Inspire Love Always.
B.A.L.I.W.A.G. - Beauty And Love I Will Always Give.
M.A.L.A.B.O.N. - May A Lasting Affair Be Ours Now.
I.M.U.S. - I Miss U, Sweetheart.
P.A.S.I.G. - Please Always Say I’m Gorgeous.
C.E.B.U. - Change Everything... But Us.
P.E.R.U. - Porget Everyone... Remember Us.
P.A.R.A.N.A.Q.U.E. - Please Always Remain Adorable, Nice And Quiet
Under Ecstacy.
T.O.N.D.O. - Tonight’s Our Night, Dearest One.
P.A.S.A.Y. - Pretty And Sexy Are You.
Y.E.M.E.N. - ‘Yugyugan Every Morning, Every Night.
M.A.R.L.B.O.R.O. - Men Always Remember Love Because Of Romance Only.
Y.A.M.A.H.A. - You Are My Angel! Happy Anniversary!
P.H.I.L.I.P.P.I.N.E.S. - Pumping Hot.. I Love It! Please Please.. I
Need Erotic Stimulation!
March
7, 2000
Dermatologist
to a patient.
DERMA: Miss, may good news ako sa inyo. Hindi na kayo tutubuan ng
tigyawat.
MS.: Talaga po doc?
DERMA: OO, dahil wala ng space.
Kring,
kring.........
AMO:Inday, sagutin mo ang telepono baka kabit 'yan ng Sir mo!!!
INDAY:Si Ma'am talaga o.....pinapaselos pa ako!!!
March
6, 2000
Ito
na lang ang bilhin mo signatures na signatures ang dating.
CK--------Cavite Kamiseta.
YSL-------Yari Sa Laguna.
UCB-------Under the Coconut tree in Baclaran.
DKNY------Divisoria Kanto Ng Ylaya.
RL--------Rizal sa Luneta.
At pag suot mo tong mga ito pare, pang GQ model ang dating mo sa
magazines:
GQ------ Galing Quiapo ----------
3 bears were driving on the road. They accidently drove off a
cliff and into the water.
Which bear did not get wet?
--the dribear.
Which bear saw the accident?
--the neighbear.
Which bear came out of the car safely?
--the surbibear.
Which bear fixed the car?
--MacGuyBear
March
5, 2000
Bakit nahihiya
ang mga biik ??
Sagot: paano NANAY kasi nila BABOY
Bakit nahihiya
ang mga batang kambing ??
Sagot: kasi NANAY nila Balbasarado
Bakit ang manok
ay tumitingala kapag umiinom ??
Sagot: kasi Tinatanong nila sa TAAS na kung bakit hindi sila naiihi
pero inom naman sila ng inom.
Paano matulog
ang KUBA??
Sagot:eh di nakapikit..
March
4, 2000
Paano mo
malalaman kung ang karneng bibilhin mo eh babae o lalake ??
Sagot:kapag babae KIKILUHIN kapag lalake TITImbangin.
Paano mo
malalaman kung ang tao sa loob ng banyo ay babae o lalake ??
Sagot: eh di hintayin mong lumabas..
Anong Puno ang
hindi pwedeng akyatin ??
Sagot eh di yung NAKATUMBA..
March 3, 2000
Ano ang pwede
mong gawin sa GABI na hindi mo pwedeng gawin sa UMAGA ??
Sagot: eh di MAGPUYAT.
Ano ang nagagawa
ng LIMANG lalake na hindi kayang gawin ng LIMANG babae ??
Sagot eh di UMIHI NG SABAY SABAY SA ARINOLA.
Q: WHAT DOES AN
AMERICAN SAY WHEN HE FARTS ?
A: EXCUSE ME
Q: BRITISH?
A: PARDON ME
Q: PINOY ?
A: NOT ME!!
March 2, 2000
Jeepney Driver
A Manila Jeepney
driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St.
Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for
the driver, Peter invites him to grab a silk robe and a golden staff
and to proceed into Heaven.
A preacher is next
in line behind the Jeepney driver and has been watching these
proceedings with interest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon
scanning the preacher’s entry in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows
his brow and says, "Okay, we’ll let you in, but take that
cloth robe and wooden staff."
The preacher is
astonished and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave
that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher
than a Manila Jeepney driver."
St. Peter responded
matter-of-factly: "Here we are interested in results. When you
preached, people slept. When the Manila Jeepney driver drove his
Jeep, people prayed."
March 1, 2000
ISPAGITI
Ip you like to mik
pilipino ispagiti, you jus dipros dee grounbip,a. Andin you pollow
dee diriksyon in dee kwan. Dee kwan, you know wat I’m reperring
too. Dee diriksyon on dee ispagiti plastik and deesauce mix.
Instid ob eating
wid dee pork, you eat wid your han. Ay, dat is how we eat in da
pilipeens. Ip der is lipober, you put it in di prigideer. Andin
tomoro, you eat it por brikpas. Ip der is still samor, you jus baon
it por work. You can also eat di ispagiti wid rice. Dat is Filifino
ispagiti. Andin ip der is still somor, ay do not tro dat away. You
jus gib it to dee dogs or cats outside, a. Dat is becos ispagiti is
por long lipe. I don’t like to see it weested.
So, mga kababayans, you itry dis
risipi.
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